Revealing Light: Freedom From Expectations
I’ve been in counseling for the past three months. At the beginning of 2024, the Lord prompted me to take that step. I went to one session, was fully open and honest with my counselor, but then I got scared and didn’t return. I’ve had deep-rooted patterns in my life that I’ve tried—and failed—to break for years. So, I decided to give counseling another shot.
Through our sessions, I began to uncover something about myself: I really struggle with expectations. When I feel like I’ve let someone down or failed to meet their expectations, I shut down. I tend to get caught up in my head, and I choose to listen to the voices telling me lies, because “it is the truth” and I am being “honest with myself.” This pattern has been with me for years, and I’ve been trying to break it, but I find myself stuck.
One session, my counselor said something that stopped me in my tracks: “Rachel, you still believe the law applies to your life.” She asked me to think about areas in my life where I felt the most pressure to meet expectations. I listed my career, relationships, and my spiritual life. She wrote these down and asked me to rate how well I thought I was doing in each area on a scale of 1 to 10. To be honest, my ratings were embarrassingly low.
She then drew a bar chart to visualize my answers. The height of each bar represented how accepted I felt, and the empty space above each bar showed how unaccepted, insecure, and unworthy I felt. She said, “You don’t feel secure in these areas because you’re living according to a list of expectations. You’ve been holding yourself to these standards, thinking that meeting them will earn you approval from others—and even from God.”
In that moment, I realized something powerful: I was living under a law of my own making. I had imposed a set of rules on myself, thinking that if I met those expectations, I’d find approval and acceptance. Just like the Israelites in the Old Testament, I was living under a system that wasn’t meant to bring freedom but set me up for failure.
The Old Testament law was essentially a list of demanding rules that no one could fully follow. It wasn’t designed to give life but to point out humanity’s need for a savior. The law highlighted our imperfections and need for grace.
And then, Jesus enters the picture.
He doesn’t come to add more rules to follow. Instead, He offers something revolutionary: healing for the sick, freedom for the oppressed, comfort for the brokenhearted. He offers grace, acceptance, and forgiveness. In Luke 4:18-19 (NLT), we see why Jesus came:
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
for he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released,
that the blind will see,
that the oppressed will be set free,
and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.”
Jesus’ message is not about meeting more expectations; it’s about freedom. Freedom from the weight of the law and the pressure to perform. It’s about knowing that acceptance, security, and love aren’t earned by our actions but are freely given by grace. Jesus came to set us free from the endless loop of striving and falling short. We are accepted, not because of what we do, but because of who He is and what He has already done for us.
As I reflected more, I realized I had misconceptions about God. I easily believed Jesus accepted me, but I struggled to believe God did too. It felt easier to relate to Jesus’ kindness than to imagine the Father’s unconditional love. My counselor pointed me to John 6:38 (CSB), where Jesus says, “For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me.” If Jesus is following God’s will, then what is God’s will? It’s to bring good news, proclaim freedom, heal the brokenhearted, and set the oppressed free. God’s heart has always been to heal, restore, and offer hope. The entire story of the Bible is about God’s work in healing and restoring humanity. His will is to bring peace, love, and freedom.
So, what does this mean for expectations, The Law, and me?
It means I must let go of the self-imposed expectations that lead to shame, condemnation, and fear. Instead, I need to embrace God’s way of living—one that brings healing, restoration, and freedom. Self-imposed expectations, in my experience, only breed anxiety and shame. But God’s way brings peace and security. His heart for His children is to be fully known and fully loved, and this is the foundation of His kingdom. When we submit to His way of living, we are promised abundant life.
God’s kingdom isn’t about striving to meet a list of impossible standards. It’s about living in the freedom and grace He offers. His heart is not to burden us with endless rules but to bring us into a relationship where we are accepted and loved for who we are, not because of what we do. Moving away from self-imposed expectations and embracing God’s way of living is where true freedom lies. God’s heart for us is to be free from the weight of expectation and to live fully in His love, trusting that His grace is enough. This truth, once fully embraced, sets us free.
As you celebrate this Christmas season, reflect on the idea that your Father is waiting to exchange your list of expectations with His way—one that brings love, peace, and joy. Take a moment to write down your own list of expectations. Ask yourself, “Are these burdens I’ve placed on myself, or are they aligned with God’s grace?” Pray for the courage to release them into His hands and walk in His freedom.